Este 2008

Origin: Spain
Year: 2008
Cork: Synthetic
Price: $8.99

Mike says:
This wine has no taste description on the label from which I can cheat. However it does have a vague repeating depiction of some kind of farm animal. It does not taste like livestock. Mostly it tastes like red wine, with red wine aftertaste. It would pair nicely with red wine. Overall, I rate this wine: "Red Wine."

Kristina says:
As you may be able to discern from the photo, the label of Este is covered in lumpy farm animals. Sheep? Cows? It's hard to say. Similarly, it's hard to tell exactly what is going on in my glass. The back label reveals that Este is "The 6 Grapes Wine" and contains Monastrell, Tempranillo, Syrah, Granacha, Cabernet Sauvignon, and Merlot grapes. It is the hot dog of wines, which results in a not displeasing generic flavor that Mike has described as "Red Wine" and which the Spanish apparently only refer to as "Este" (or "This").

Avalon 2006 Cabernet Suvignon

Cork : real cork
Price: unknown (pulled from the wine rack)

Mike says:
Avalon is the site of some sort of Last Battle or something. I bet there were like five or six Metal bands named Avalon because "Last Battle" is fucking metal. Avalon (the wine) is dry and tasty, neither of which is particularly metal. My final grade is "too classy to drink in the back of an El Camino"

Kristina says:
As usual, Mike has it all wrong. Not about Avalon (the wine) as I agree that it was dry-ish and deliciousy. Camlann is the location of King Arthur and his nephew-son Mordred's last battle. Avalon is the location to which the mortally wounded Arthur withdraws, to wait until Britain needs him once again. At any rate, Avalon (the wine) is definitely something I would seek out if mortally wounded, and a fine place (in my opinion) to spend some time while waiting for a country to need my services once again. I would purchase this wine again (unless it costs more than $9.99 - I can't remember buying it, or how much it actually cost).

Post Script (Mike): "Being Mortally Wounded" is also Fucking Metal.

Markovic Estates Reserve Pinot Noir

Year: 2008
Cork: Synthetic
Alcohol content: 12.5%
Cost: $9.99

Kristina says: I had high hopes for Markovic, based entirely on the label. It said “Reserve” twice on the front and once on the back label. It also had a lot of French on there, boasting “Semi Dry Vin du Pays d’Oc” which I believe translates to something like “Country Wine of Oc.” Now, I don’t know where Oc is, but I have a pretty good idea that it is nowhere I ever want to be. Upon further research, I find that Country Wine is above Table Wine in the French wine ranking system. God help us if we ever accidentally ingest the Vin de Table d’Oc.


Mike says: Seeing as this is a French Wine it seems somehow appropriate to describe it the way a brain-dead American lout might.
Lout Mike say: Nice surrender-wine French, man this wine is so fuckin’ lame. It says it tastes like strawberries and white flowers. How faggy is that? This wine really taste like ass, batteries, and ass, in that order. Am I right? YEAH!


Overall Rating: Twice the cost of Tinsdale and twice as crappy.

Tisdale No listed year (A wine for the ages!) 12.0% alcohol synthetic cork. 2 for $9.99 (a bargain!)

Kristina Says:

Tisdale lured us in from the bargain wines with it’s quality label graphic design (and two for ten dollar price tag). Sadly, you cannot judge a book by its cover and you shouldn’t judge a wine by its label (no matter how often you read about that study where the wine enthusiasts rated cheap wine better when it was served in an expensive-looking bottle). Tisdale claims to have “blackberry and plum” flavors, but tastes more like wine that has been left open on the kitchen table all night after a party, drank only because it would be a shame to pour it down the drain.

Mike Says:

Tisdale is the Kris of red wines, neither dry nor sweet, neither mild, nor strong, and despite its lofty label claims, it is neither blackberry nor plum. However 4 bucks and change for bottle? Sign me up. I’ll say this; Tinsdale is worlds better than the drain cleaner 90% of churches serve at communion. This assessment comes from the school of thought that no flavor is better than bad flavor

Kris 2007 Pinot Grigio - Italy, 12.5 % alcohol, screw top, $7.99

Mike Says:

Kris has almost no flavor but finishes with a pleasant white wine after-taste. Without the after-taste, drinking Kris would be no different than drinking water. Kris is basically not even there. In the highschool of wine, Kris is the wine that you forget is even in the classroom after roll is called. It’s too lame to hang with the cool kids, and too uninteresting to for the jocks to pick on.

Kristina Says:

First of all, let me comment on how very, very odd it is to discuss a wine bearing my own name. I wish I could say “Kris is great” and “Kris is bold” and “Kris is not pathetic in the least.” Unfortunately, I am compelled to agree with Mike: Kris is too lame to hang with the cool kids (just like in real life). That said, I found my namesake to be pretty bland, but drinkable. It would pair well with buttered pasta, cream of wheat, or unflavored gelatin.

Over all we rate this wine: Inoffensive, in that it presented no specific offense.