Down Under 2009 Cabernet Sauvignon

Mike Says: "Down Under" probably should have stayed from whence it came. Wherever it came from, it brought a watery taste with a kind of bitter finish with it. The label features a koala bear. Perhaps a hint at one of the ingredients? The venerable pop music group Men at Work warn that when dealing with anything from a land down under, you better run, you better take cover. I can't say I disagree with the Men at Work. Take cover from this wine.

Kristina Says: For once, I disagree with Mike. Although at first this wine seemed tart and watery at the same time, by the time Mike finished writing his review I was on to glass #2, which seemed to have opened up a bit, and was less unpleasantly sour. I contend that "Down Under" is a wine like a Vegemite Sandwich - an acquired taste. Also, it benefits greatly from being consumed while watching the music video for "Land Down Under" by Men at Work. At $6.99, I think I might be tempted to buy this bottle again, though it wouldn't be my first choice.

Leese-Fitch 2009 Cabernet Sauvignon

Mike says: Leese-Fitch delivers a pleasant sour bite that finishes nicely. Its the kind of flavor than is difficult to criticize or make smarmy comments about. I'm really at a loss for something to say. I only know how to tear down the inadequate. Confronted with something that is above honest criticism leaves me flustered and ashamed. I blame my harsh upbringing. The only way I can cope is to drink heavily. The Leese-Fitch will do nicely for that.

Kristina says: Leese-Fitch doesn't have a fancy label, but it does have a good name. "Pass the Leese-Fitch" one might say, or "Leese-Fitch me up!" As Mike noted, it has a fine slightly tart bite, and dare I say "oaky undertones"? I rate this wine "Acceptable" and would gladly buy it again, especially as it clocked in at a reasonable $13. And now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some Leese-Fitchin' to do.

P.S. Delicious with a wedge of danish blue.

Special Christmas Edition: Primitivo Primaterra

With Special Guest Reviewer Lisa

Lisa: This wine is reminiscent of my first summer in the Sonoma Valley... oh wait, I've never actually been to the Sonoma Valley. Let me start again. This wine boasts a clean report of booze-soaked grapes, with a gentle aftermath of normal grapes. It truly is chicken in a glass. Once decanted, it is like a taste explosion in your face.


Mike: This wine has a picture of a chicken on the label, but it doesn't taste like chicken at all. Mostly it tastes like wine, so it really should have a picture of wine on it, or at least a drunk chicken. One time I met a drunk chicken . Either that or I got drunk and ate chicken. Whatever, you can't judge me.

Kristina: I wouldn't drink this wine with chicken, but maybe I would drink it with a chicken, who was also drinking the chicken wine. Overall: meh. I think it is a fine wine for chickens, if they can afford the steep 8.99 price tag.

Este 2008

Origin: Spain
Year: 2008
Cork: Synthetic
Price: $8.99

Mike says:
This wine has no taste description on the label from which I can cheat. However it does have a vague repeating depiction of some kind of farm animal. It does not taste like livestock. Mostly it tastes like red wine, with red wine aftertaste. It would pair nicely with red wine. Overall, I rate this wine: "Red Wine."

Kristina says:
As you may be able to discern from the photo, the label of Este is covered in lumpy farm animals. Sheep? Cows? It's hard to say. Similarly, it's hard to tell exactly what is going on in my glass. The back label reveals that Este is "The 6 Grapes Wine" and contains Monastrell, Tempranillo, Syrah, Granacha, Cabernet Sauvignon, and Merlot grapes. It is the hot dog of wines, which results in a not displeasing generic flavor that Mike has described as "Red Wine" and which the Spanish apparently only refer to as "Este" (or "This").

Avalon 2006 Cabernet Suvignon

Cork : real cork
Price: unknown (pulled from the wine rack)

Mike says:
Avalon is the site of some sort of Last Battle or something. I bet there were like five or six Metal bands named Avalon because "Last Battle" is fucking metal. Avalon (the wine) is dry and tasty, neither of which is particularly metal. My final grade is "too classy to drink in the back of an El Camino"

Kristina says:
As usual, Mike has it all wrong. Not about Avalon (the wine) as I agree that it was dry-ish and deliciousy. Camlann is the location of King Arthur and his nephew-son Mordred's last battle. Avalon is the location to which the mortally wounded Arthur withdraws, to wait until Britain needs him once again. At any rate, Avalon (the wine) is definitely something I would seek out if mortally wounded, and a fine place (in my opinion) to spend some time while waiting for a country to need my services once again. I would purchase this wine again (unless it costs more than $9.99 - I can't remember buying it, or how much it actually cost).

Post Script (Mike): "Being Mortally Wounded" is also Fucking Metal.

Markovic Estates Reserve Pinot Noir

Year: 2008
Cork: Synthetic
Alcohol content: 12.5%
Cost: $9.99

Kristina says: I had high hopes for Markovic, based entirely on the label. It said “Reserve” twice on the front and once on the back label. It also had a lot of French on there, boasting “Semi Dry Vin du Pays d’Oc” which I believe translates to something like “Country Wine of Oc.” Now, I don’t know where Oc is, but I have a pretty good idea that it is nowhere I ever want to be. Upon further research, I find that Country Wine is above Table Wine in the French wine ranking system. God help us if we ever accidentally ingest the Vin de Table d’Oc.


Mike says: Seeing as this is a French Wine it seems somehow appropriate to describe it the way a brain-dead American lout might.
Lout Mike say: Nice surrender-wine French, man this wine is so fuckin’ lame. It says it tastes like strawberries and white flowers. How faggy is that? This wine really taste like ass, batteries, and ass, in that order. Am I right? YEAH!


Overall Rating: Twice the cost of Tinsdale and twice as crappy.

Tisdale No listed year (A wine for the ages!) 12.0% alcohol synthetic cork. 2 for $9.99 (a bargain!)

Kristina Says:

Tisdale lured us in from the bargain wines with it’s quality label graphic design (and two for ten dollar price tag). Sadly, you cannot judge a book by its cover and you shouldn’t judge a wine by its label (no matter how often you read about that study where the wine enthusiasts rated cheap wine better when it was served in an expensive-looking bottle). Tisdale claims to have “blackberry and plum” flavors, but tastes more like wine that has been left open on the kitchen table all night after a party, drank only because it would be a shame to pour it down the drain.

Mike Says:

Tisdale is the Kris of red wines, neither dry nor sweet, neither mild, nor strong, and despite its lofty label claims, it is neither blackberry nor plum. However 4 bucks and change for bottle? Sign me up. I’ll say this; Tinsdale is worlds better than the drain cleaner 90% of churches serve at communion. This assessment comes from the school of thought that no flavor is better than bad flavor